There was once this girl, she was smart, she had confidence, she thought she could succeed in whatever she put her mind to, and for many years she did. Then a terrible accident triggered some tiny bit of doubt buried deep inside her, at first she thought she may of finally grown up with the small chunk of doubt making her question her actions, “after all,” she thought. “I no longer bounce and my bones do break!” But the doubt took hold, it grew roots and clung to every fibre of the girls body. It pushed and prodded until the girl no longer recognised what she saw in the mirror. All she ever eventually saw was an ugly scared beast sometimes timid sometimes something beyond the terrors of any nightmare you could imagine. She tried in vain to defeat the demon of doubt, but it had grown, not only was it rooted in every fibre of her body it had also wormed its way through the very core, through the brain, controlling her every thought, her actions. Her dreams and hopes had gone, succumbed to this once tiny seed of doubt. She was worthless, lowest of the low and then lower then that. Her opinion never mattered anymore, she was just a silly girl with mood swings and drama.
Somehow there was a tiny piece of herself that held on to her, the beast of doubt would always be knocking on the door but it was bolted shut though how she wished the beast would take this away from her, take the pain of a need to care for others away. Or was this the beasts final trick in to the descent of darkness…to be mocked for caring, to be exhausted from caring for all around when nobody cared for her!
The seed of doubt is a powerful instrument, it will take the strong and make them weak. Then it will take the weak and obliterate their existence. The shell of the person may still be moving and talking but it is not alive, it is not free to enjoy their surroundings, to talk without constantly second guessing every word they mutter.
The girl that once was is no more and death, when it eventually comes, will be the breaking of the shackles as the beasts hold is finally released.
Ok a little rant now and I would firstly like to point out that I don’t literally mean every 4×4 driver but….!!!
What is it with a lot of 4×4 drivers and the fact that they sit in the middle of the road? Yes, some pot holes will devastate any wheel around here other than a tractor wheel but still, 4×4’s are designed for a bit of rough and tumble so why do they dodge a puddle or some mud and throw their beast into the path of an oncoming vehicle? In my little 1.1 Hyundai I have to make a choice, do I get pulverised by a massive 4×4 head on or do I bank sharp left (British roads) avoiding the monster and possibly getting stuck on the muddy verge or worse still end up flipping the car down a 6-10ft dyke to a watery grave and all because a 4×4 driver has to drive 2-3ft away from the edge of the road and range rover drivers are the worst…. Sorry bruv!!
When I owned my Jeep Cherokee I not only tucked it into the side when vehicles were approaching me, but quite often bounced across the verge and on cold icy snowing days I always pulled other peoples cars out of ditches and bushes. I used it for what it was… a beast!
Here’s a little tip, mud washes off, I know it’s amazing right, mud actually washes off, who knew!
Now all I’ve got to do is train myself not to dodge the 4×4 that’s dodging a puddle and hit head on!
When you see a celebrity be it on TV, the big screen, stage or in person do you try and look at them as if you don’t know their occupation? I do. I know it can be quite hard if you love their character but try it.
When you go all weak kneed, is it because of them or the part they play or the songs they sing.. Here’s an example.
When Top Gun came out everyone went crazy over Tom Cruise and I just couldn’t see why, my thoughts have always been if that person walks up to you in a pub (bar, club) and you had no idea who they were would you really like them and the answer with Tom was no… Now Anthony Edwards on the other hand who played Goose, just let me at him.
At HVFF and Walker Stalker I had brief chats with 99% of the guests (celebrities) even if it was just to ask if I could get them anything. Most are kind they smile with a “no thanks” or “would you mind fetching me……” Some on the other hand glare at you for just stepping to the front to ask managers and your own crew if you can bring them anything and is everything ok. And this really shatters all illusions that can and will put you off that character on TV so guessing it can also work both ways. Though still I ask you the question, was it the character you liked or the person behind the character? It’s a tricky one.
Occasionally I realise that though I’ve tried to be objective in the looks and personality department it is in fact their character that I love. Yes every one can have bad days I admit but some are just not what you expect and please don’t for one minute think that I’m deluded enough that they look at me as anything other then the position I hold or worse than that..a freeloader.
Though I will share this…
One person who took my breath away at hvff was Kirk Acevedo. I originally had my back to him whilst I was talking to a crew member when I heard this gravelly voice behind me that sent shivers down my spine at this point I was unaware on who that voice belonged to, I eventually turned and was confronted with this handsome smiling man “oh its Mr Avocado” (word association had stuck stronger then it should) now whether he heard or whether he laughed at something else I guess I will never know, but I had a moment before composing myself and asking if there was anything I could get him….. Now that’s one person I would love to meet in a pub (sorry Mrs Acevedo).
Having one of those days. I guess with the weekend I’ve just had it would be classed as the con blues but I reckon the root goes deeper.
Firstly I do miss my con buddies, I miss being up against it making sure as many people as possible stay happy and hydrated. I miss my coffee saviour with a passion, if they ever read this they know who they are which brings me to a secondary junction. That moment when something changes, when feelings run wild, when what you have just doesn’t seem enough and yet is all it can be.
When you start trudging down this road then all sort of emotions, memories and disappointments suddenly hit you head on. From things that you are certain of that you suddenly question “Am I good at my job?” ‘Of course I blinking well am!!’ I wouldn’t be head hunted by others if I weren’t but hey, the doubt is there today and it had better be gone by tomorrow.
Although I’ve posted about loving being single before, today I questioned why am I still single!? Do I throw barriers up that everyone else can see but me? Am I really as ugly as the kids at school made me feel? Yes I’m now larger then average in the body size department but is it really that repulsive? The annoying thing is, only I will be able to answer these questions as nothing anyone says will convince me they are right.
I’m wondering why I didn’t follow my dream, I’ve found my niche in what I do, but it wasn’t what I dreamt off, what I still dream of, so why?
And why am I easily forgotten?
Answers on a postcard to…….
Well what a weekend!! Met some fabulous people as always and caught up with old friends. The highlight for me, which will shock some people later in this rambling was meeting these lovely ladies
They were magnificent both visually and personality, to say they captured a piece of my heart is an understatement. Love them to bits.
As usual we were many volunteers down, its so frustrating that people either sign up to volunteer and then just don’t show or show, realise they will actually be working hard and make a run for it… This is not a free chance to meet the celebrities, this is a chance to make someone’s day, the people who stand in line for hours to meet their idol.. For me that is what it’s all about, yes some celebrities or guests as we call them will pull you in for a hug, maybe a selfie or a signed picture but that’s their choice and normally because they have seen you work your backside off… Yet I digress, sorry but the disappearing volunteers gets me rattled…… Where was I.. Oh yes, so as we were spread so thinly on the ground (last dig) my team was mainly whipped away from me leaving me to relieve as many people in the day as possible and grab drinks for the guests. I was having a whale of a time. It’s great to be able to help so many people meet their idol. Be it the children or adults, to be able to wangle some magic and make them feel as though they are the celebrity even if its just for five minutes. HVFF is slightly less manic then Walker Stalker but the atmosphere is still electric. Mehcad Brooks was still bouncing late on the Sunday when this picture was taken.
Breakdown on a Sunday is brutal, especially when loads of volunteers leave their posts to try and grab what they can from the guests. A sted fast band of us will always be seen taking down the plat, gold, vip and ga lines, collecting the photos up and taking down the guest banners, and trust me this doest go unnoticed by the celebrities who are still signing for their fans. John Barrowman pulled me in for a selfie or six (this one is my favourite) as I was still working hard taking down he’s line whilst everyone else was waiting for he’s signature on their shirt.
Then the fabulous already mentioned breakdown team that collect up all the metal poles from the top floor and bring them down, and there are hundreds of the blasted things… Some of the breakdown team just have to much energy after two very long days and not only decide to a push up competition but when back on the top floor a sit up challenge as well… I said I’d be the official recorder lol.
So that’s sort of it, are the blisters, stress, sweat and sometimes blood and tears worth it… Oh my god yes! I will be back in March at the excel to do it all over again. Join us, if you think you can hack the pace. We just love meeting new people that will hopefully stay ands become life long friends, like I am with this guy.
Well if you the journey into London wasn’t an experience then the hotel was…….
Arrived at my hotel, gave my name across and watched the baffled faces of the reception as they searched for my booking, they asked if it could be under a different name… Umm no…. They searched again when a look of enlightenment crossed their face.. “oh I see you cancelled the room two weeks ago” they beam brightly at me as if this is the news I’ve been hoping for. I stare back in disbelief “Do you really think I’ll be standing here if I cancelled this booking?”. Reception looks stunned “Maybe you forgot?”…. Now I’m looking stunned “SERIOUSLY!!!!!” We stare at each other for a while.
2nd receptionist steps up to the plate… “Maybe we can offer you another room” Without taking my eyes off the 1st receptionist “Well that’ll be a start!” 2nd receptionist looking pleased with themselves taps away on the computer “We have one room left for £575” 2nd receptionist now beams at me…. “But the room I booked was for £145!?!”I stammer ……. “well yes, that was a basic double this is a triple deluxe” They look astonished that I would even question the price difference.
Needless to say that after a short argument I left with no room and visions of sleeping outside somewhere whilst working at Olympia, I certainly was not going to be pressured into paying extortionate prices.
Long story short thanks to friends hitting booking.com I’ve got a sweet little room at easy hotel. Now to get some sleep ready for running around the venue and helping everyone see their Heroes and Villains in the morning
Well here we go again, I’m sitting on a national express coach and I’m London bound for a weekend of hard work and copious amounts of fun. Yes folks it’s Heroes and Villains weekend at the Olympia exhibition centre.
I’m currently in panic mode as I decided to be good this time and not pack everything including the kitchen sink, you think I’m joking I know, well maybe the kitchen sink was a little over the top but a weekend working in London would normally mean an extra large duffle bag on wheels, a large backpack and a leg bag all completely full to the brim! Today I just have the backpack and leg bag and neither are completely full. I can guarantee that I will panic that I’ve forgotten something right up till I arrive back home and unpack. I wouldn’t mind so much if I was going to a back of beyond no shops for 30 miles place…..but I’m going to London for crying out loud! As long as I have money…. Yep just checked again, my contact lenses…currently wearing them and my glasses….check….I can buy all the rest!!! So why do I panic so much?
Oh dear, I have a chatterer in front of me. I will have to dissappear for a while. I will update you all later but for now I’ll just quickly check my bags again.
Oh and look out for me if you’re going…
Update **** I forgot my best supporting bra! It’s a bratastraphe.
Gaffer tape it is then